Saturday,
July 14
| by Johnny Rathman, Staff Writer |
College
Fantasy Football -- a different angle
Another case of "Be careful what you ask for;" if
you want to see your name in print, hope you don't get it by
way of Staff Writer Johnny Rathman's latest series.
For those who have missed me over these
many months, Greetings. For
those of you who have not, same to you.
I must admit that my absence was due to a
ploy adopted from those pro footballers who play out their
option year.
Didn’t work.
However, the Commissioner has agreed that
I can be carried for another season at my regular generous
rate of compensation.
So, for those for whom this column is a
new experience, and for those whose attention span is as short
as mine, I’ll begin by trying to recap past articles to
summarize my points of view. (Ed. Past articles
are listed on JR's page, here.)
Prime
objective in past columns was the process by which we should
select the individuals on our fantasy teams.
We began at birth with the selection of the proper
name.
Clearly
the names of past ballplayers are predictors of future
athletic performance.
Joe is
good, Percy- bad. O.J.
good, Harry bad. I
could go on, but you get the idea.
The point
here is that when you begin to select your fantasy
footballers, look to the name as an important factor in their
future success. There
are exceptions, of course, so we have to consider a number of
other equally telling characteristics.
Among these are the names of the high schools from which ours
guy graduated. Avoid
any potential players who have graduated from Academies of any
kind. Schools
with Saints names aren’t usually fertile ground either.
Places, which are combination high
school/reformatories, offer the best proving ground for the
athlete we’re looking for.
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Coaches
were another area of examination for our search.
Those coaches who spit frequently, swore at officials,
were suspended at least once per season and struck their
players were all included in the selection pool.
Coaches who spit on players/officials, struck opposing
players/coaches, and were incarcerated during the season were
given additional consideration.
The final
factor considered, and one, which will be pursued in greater
depth in the new season, is record of felonies.
Criminal charges are not foreign to the modern athlete.
However, the type of crime is an essential area to help
us discriminate between individuals of equal athletic talent.
Taking
athletes of equal prowess in their chosen field, favor should
be given to those people who have committed certain types of
crimes or have been involved in specific behaviors.
For
instance, an assault charge gets higher points than
shoplifting. Drug
arrests are more desirable than indecent exposure, drunk and
disorderly will get more points than say cross-dressing-way
more points.
So, in
brief, that is what we discussed last season.
Here’s
looking to the new season.
Good luck to you all.
End of
first article.
Another
essential area of concern is training.
All college players must have formal instruction in
Miranda Rights, courtroom etiquette, care of weapons,
courtroom attire, marksmanship.
Another
area of concern is the new injuries that must be considered
because they might hinder the careers of our athletes.
Hip pointers, knee injuries, etc. should be checked,
but rotator cuff strains and tears are a hazard due to the
practice of handcuffing suspects behind the back.
Number and
kind of felony convictions are another consideration.
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